Body positivity is a hot button issue right now. No one is allowed to say we are too fat, too skinny, healthy, unhealthy or just right. I’ve seen fit women shamed for sharing their abs and arm muscles, women who have rolls praised for sharing their real bodies and vice versa. Let’s be real– I’ve also felt confused why no one seems to care what men do at all!
Loving the skin we are in while simultaneously settling for unhealthy habits don’t mesh well in my brain. In 2017 I ran my best half marathon time and immediately started training for a marathon. I ran that marathon and then spent the last two years gaining an additional 35 pounds. At a mere five feet and two inches, I am not within an appropriate weight bracket AT ALL.
Please do not comment that I am beautiful or that I look great because while maybe you think that’s true — I AM NOT HEALTHY.
I cannot run more than five minutes at a time right now. I cannot walk up a few flights of stairs without feeling out of breath. I struggled during softball season to make it to first base as quickly as I wanted.
How “positive” I am about my body is so irrelevant to the reality of how unhealthy I have allowed myself to become. I can like myself and still be unsatisfied with the choices I’ve made. I can look in the mirror and not be excited about what I see because it reflects my own laziness and bad habits. THIS IS ALL OKAY!
Seeing these things is what has made me re-evaluate and pushed me to make some changes for the better. Making better food choices, eating to enjoy instead of to make myself feel better, moving my body more often and remembering how much better it is to be able to BREATHE while running or climbing stairs are all good things!
I am not okay with falling into the trap of being so body positive that I become content with my own unhealthiness.
So far, the changes are slow but steady as I’ve lost 7 pounds in the past month. I’ve had to put on a men’s workout shirt to go for runs because none of mine fit anymore and I’ve felt embarrassed about how much I’ve had to walk. I’ve started my at home workouts and then given up… and then started them again a few days later… and given up.
Success doesn’t lie in only the doing– but also in the failing and rising again! It’s hard to start over, but I know it’s worth it (maybe I’ll even run another race again someday!)!