A year ago I started this blog and made a few goals for myself for 2016. As the year went on I added more goals to my list and started new challenges for myself. “Started” being the important word in that sentence. I think I accomplished one. ONE! On my entire list–I accomplished only one of my many goals. Seriously. One.
Nothing like broadcasting your “failures” to help you start a new year, right?! In reality, I don’t count them as failures because 2016 taught me a lot of lessons. If nothing else, it taught me to stop making goals in the traditional way. (Is there a laughing emoji on the computer? Cause that’s what I’m doing right now!)
2016 was a crazy year and I can’t seem to fully comprehend all that has gone on. There were highs and lows but who wants to dwell on the lows? Not me…. so I won’t because it’s my blog and I can do what I want.
On to the highs then…. Last year I chose the word courage as my word of the year and I feel like even though I didn’t cross off my goal to do list, I still embraced the word courage and stepped out my comfort zone to meet new people. In 2016, I made so many friends including people I still haven’t met in person. As I look back over the past year and realize that a year ago I had yet to meet the girls I went on a road trip to NYC with in September, it really baffles my mind how much has happened these last 12 months.
I tend to get very sentimental at the end of a year (just ask Anson…I cried at dinner Saturday night!), and this year is no exception. 2015 was a dark year and it took a lot of personal pushing to get myself to smile at 2016 when it came. I knew I couldn’t let myself go any lower and even though it would’ve been easier to continue hiding in my house in my own personal darkness, deep down it wasn’t how I wanted my life to go. I decided it was time to drag myself out of my despair and honestly, it took all the courage I had in that moment. When I showed up at Nathan Phillips Square last January for a group run, I had never met any of the people in this picture (even though I followed a ton of them on social media!).
Most of them probably don’t even realize how that one 10km run changed the course of my year. I am not an extrovert (although at times I can appear to be) and I have to really psych myself up before I talk to new people. Sometimes I say really bizarre things or I overshare (oops!) and I often spend the entire rest of my day after meeting someone new over analyzing everything I said or did in hopes that I didn’t appear too “weird!” Lucky for me–runners are apparently the nicest group of people ever (or they’re also just plain weird!) in my opinion and I somehow managed to snag the coolest friends this year. As 2017 begins I want to say a huge thank you to each person I met this year. You shaped my year, taught me so many things about myself and showed me that it was worth it to take a risk and put myself out there. I love you all!
As Anson & I sat at dinner Saturday night we talked about the end of the year and the beginning of a new one. We discussed the many things that happened and then Anson asked me a question,
What do you want your life to look like when 2018 comes?
Umm…excuse me? Do you actually want me to create another to do list of goals that I’ll probably not accomplish? Ugh.
I started to say a few things; then I would contradict myself; and then I got frustrated with myself and gave up. After a few minutes of hashing out my babbling with Anson I realized what I wanted to accomplish in 2017: I simply want to BELIEVE.
I want to believe in myself. I want to be more confident in my own abilities and believe that I can truly do the things I want to! My insecurities are my biggest weakness. I let them hold me back every single day. I worry FAR TOO MUCH about what other people might think and I let them (whoever “they” are) convince me to not try things I actually want to do! Belief in myself while realizing that God’s opinion is the only one that counts (ok, ok….Anson’s does, too!) is top priority on my to do list!
I want to believe in others. I don’t always give people the benefit of the doubt which frankly is often justified, but sometimes, people deserve another chance. There are good people out there–I want to believe in the goodness of others more than ever.
I want to believe that each day is worth living. Oh, it’s easy to say, but so much harder to live in the moment.
I want to believe that I can make a difference and with that belief, I want to make it happen.
Above all, I want to believe in God’s grace more every day. I love His grace but often push it to the side instead of embracing it. This year–give me all the grace cause I definitely know I need it! (I also have a teenager now so perhaps triple grace would be helpful.)
This year I strive to BELIEVE! and with belief–isn’t anything possible?
Happy 2017 everyone!